She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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