if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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