I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
