TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
