At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
