yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
