I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
