It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
