Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
