I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
