Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize