I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
