Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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