One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
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Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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