where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
