Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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