I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
