STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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