They should really pass out barf bags in church
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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