video games are the ultimate cock blocker
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
