i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
