True but thats because hes a fetus.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
do herpes really smell.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
