she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
