I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
