I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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