FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
