I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
