We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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