So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
