she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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