My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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