only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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