She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
be right there i have to get my cape
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
