Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
