that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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