Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
