you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
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It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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