she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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