My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
my being single is dangerous.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm like, not good at living.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.