they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat