As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Randomize
