if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
