so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
