please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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