Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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