mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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