Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
