cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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