Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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