just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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