the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
