I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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