We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Don't make out with my wife yet
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
