sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
