So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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