Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
