I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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