Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
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