So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
