Yo dont text me then not text me
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
