someone get that fucking seahorse.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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