Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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