Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
