he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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