I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
