She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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