This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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