hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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