I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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