So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
