I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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