I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
