Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Randomize
