I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
