Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
